The Broken Peacock!

Finally, after months of tip toeing, postponing and perhaps blatantly overlooking the need to do it, I pulled the super-glue out of drawer and fixed the broken peacock. The peacock which had been sitting quietly in a corner of my library graciously, patiently waiting for my attention. It was a gift to me by my dear friend who is as gracious and has been adding as many colors, to my life since childhood.  Just like our friendship, any gift she chooses for me is exclusive and one of its kind. I remember how much care I took to bring it from India to US in single piece a few years back. Carefully wrapped it in layers of clothings and bubble wraps, and it did arrive here safe n sound, looking elegant just like our friendship!

Anyone who noticed the peacock never failed to appreciate its beauty and asked where I got it from? It was a keepsake! And then one day when my kids were rather exuberating with energy and pulling pushing each other in a typical boyish fashion one of them tipped it off. The long slender neck of peacock fell lifelessly on the floor. It made me furious and sad, I quickly picked it up from the floor and kept it safely in a place away from any sort of action, determined to fix it at my earliest opportunity.  Rest we know is life. Days, weeks, months and almost a year went by and the peacock was sitting exactly the way I left it more than a year ago.

The incident narrated above is from before the ‘great pause’ era. The great pause is reference to the pandemic (COVID 19) which we all are currently juggling with. Its impact is being felt and analyzed all over the world and its clearly telling us to change something about our lifestyles. The effect of this pandemic on humankind is of such a magnitude that soon we may be referencing to time frames as BC and AC, with the difference that this time it would mean ‘Before Corona’ and ‘After Corona’.

So, it was back in the ‘Before Corona’ days when we were running breathless in our robotic schedules, ruthlessly following the prompts one after the other throughout the day and then repeating it for another 364 days. In our fashionably busy lives, we were often caught saying, ‘I wish there were more than 24 hours in a day’!  Apparently 24 hours were just not enough. We were busy with all kinds of stuff, starting our day super early in the morning so we can send kids off to school with proper breakfast and healthy lunch, getting ready for work, commuting 36 odd miles to get into the office, putting in the best of efforts to have an impactful day at work then driving the same 36 odd miles to create a similar impact at home. Swinging from one end to another like a pendulum every day trying hard to be the best version both at work & home. Aspirations and self expectations were always high and we were never satisfied with anything mediocre. Somewhere between all this hustle, life was missing out. Over the years the number of prescription medicines was growing and so was the list of ‘broken peacocks. Daily prioritization and re-prioritization was happening between what the soul needed and what the brain needed.  And so far brain was leading with quite a sizable margin. 

Even in this constant tug of war the guilt rides were frequent and often. Guilt of not being home when kids return from school to give them a quick hug and a snack for their hungry bellies.  To sit down and have a chat about how their day went by. The guilt of realizing that yet another month has gone by without taking the time for personal care and fitness. The guilt of not finding enough time to catch up on things that brings the true peace and happiness. 

The pandemic though however dark and uncertain, has given the necessary ‘Cause to Pause’ and make up for all the ‘broken peacocks’ that have been silently waiting for a fix. Our health and fitness, our happiness, our mindset, our ability to focus and enjoy the little joys and things that matters most. I am sure we all have so many broken peacocks in our lives. The relationships that have gone sour, just because we are too busy to pause and think or even express the right emotions at the right time. The hobbies that have gone dormant.  Everything consumes time and that’s what we didn’t have. Just like the peacock things that were so precious to us, things that we carefully wrapped in various layers, things that we took for granted and ignored.

Over the last few weeks, its been a wide array of feelings. I have been enjoying the sun rise (on the days sun do show up in Michigan). I have been taking the time every morning for yoga and meditation, for my physical and mental fitness. I have been taking the time to smile at my kids and tell them its ok if they want to sleep in some more. Me and my husband have been taking the time to enjoy the breakfast together before we start off our work routine. I have been appreciating and enjoying my house so much more. The house that I recently got painted and tastefully decorated but didnt have much time to spend in. For the first time I am actually enjoying cooking and trying out different recipes. Its not a race against time anymore. Home chores are no longer a pressure, there is plenty of time to balance every thing out. I have been finally able to catch up on Netflix and Prime series that I only heard of from friends and colleagues but never had the time to watch. I am enjoying taking the time every evening to light a lamp in front of God and experiencing the peace it brings to the soul. I am finally listening to and feeding my soul.

On the surface, life has halted. We are no longer ‘going around the crazy mulberry bush’. And within that halt there is so much up happening.  My soul is healing and my broken peacock is now fixed!